Scars
by writer2011
Summary: Missing scenes just after "Killshot" since Beckett's attitude has drastically changed  for the better  - couldn't see her doing that without a bit of input from her favorite writer.
1. Chapter 1

**Scars**

Beckett left therapy feeling strangely invigorated, despite the intense nature of her latest session. Talking with Dr. B. helped. She had at first questioned her decision to continue therapy sessions with him. If Gates only knew what they discussed, she'd probably have benched her by now, declaring her unfit for duty, especially with these latest lapses, not to mention that first case when she froze in front of the armed suspects. But Dr. B. was discreet and seemed to be more concerned with her well-being than with standard protocol. Kate found herself opening up more with him, especially regarding her feelings about her mother... and Castle.

Tonight had been a breakthrough for her; a terrifying, in your face, changes are coming breakthrough.

Beckett couldn't imagine her life without her mother's murder case as the prime focus of her life. Yet, living a life alone with that as her sole focus was no longer palatable. There had been so many losses in the last few months; Royce, Roy; not to mention the dirty bombs, freezers, 3XK, Lockwood... and that didn't even complete the list. The only consistency she had was her time with Castle; her only regret, the secret she was keeping from him – that she heard his words of love as her world was fading to black.

After tonight's session with Dr. B., Kate was finally ready to take some small steps towards their own romantic diving board, to see where it could take them. It would take time but she was feeling surprisingly optimistic about their chances tonight.

She stopped off at the store on her way home, grabbing some groceries and cleaning products. Reaching her floor; she wasn't surprised to find Castle leaning against her door, engrossed in whatever game he was playing while waiting for her. Hesitating for a moment, she took a deep breath and called out a greeting. "Martha and Alexis desert you for the night, Castle?"

Chuckling, Castle put his phone away and straightened up to greet her. "Mother is working overtime getting the repairs completed on her school." He looked to the left and then to the right before continuing in a mock whisper, "I think she's afraid they'll call her loan, despite the weekly dinners she's been sharing with the bank president that she thinks we don't know about. Alexis... well, she's decided she'd rather put in extra credit projects and take extended field trips to heighten her guaranteed chances of getting accepted at a prestigious college, than live off her parental unit," he finished with an exaggerated shudder.

"The nerve", Beckett rolled her eyes at her partner's goofiness. She moved past him to put her key in the lock, hesitating briefly. She turned to face him, somewhat shyly, "Castle, I really need to spend some time tonight doing some cleanup. I sort of imploded in the last few days and haven't had a chance... it's really a mess" she finished, visibly grimacing at the memory.

"I don't mind, Kate. Besides many hands make light work... two hands are better than one... cleanliness is..."

"Will you stop with the cleaning clichés if I let you in?"

Entering the apartment, Castle couldn't help but notice the smell of alcohol and the mess spread across the living room from Beckett's implosion. "You were warned" she stated a bit sheepishly.

"Heck, I've seen worse after one of Mother's impromptu cast parties," Castle chuckled as he stepped around the bits of broken glass and small patches of sticky alcohol puddling on the floor, taking his jacket off and laying it across the clean end of the kitchen counter. Rubbing his hands together, he grabbed the bag of cleaning products away from Beckett, "Where do we start?"

"Castle, you don't have to..." her voice trailing off; Beckett surveyed the mess that had once been her pristine great room, lips tightening into a thin line and visibly cringing at the evidence of her lack of control. "I can't believe I let you see this. This is so mortifying."

"It's not that bad, Kate." At her incredulous look, he continued, shrugging his shoulders, "I was useless ... everything that happened with Travis... this case; your reactions... " He motioned to the trashed contents of the room, "This is easy, this, I can fix."

"Castle." She shook her head slowly, moving towards the kitchen island to unload her bag.

Rick, fearing she would bid him a hasty exit, rushed through his explanation, continuing, "Kate, I couldn't be there for you. I didn't know how to help. Only Esposito seemed to know how to reach you and help you through it." He took the bag of groceries from her arms and placed them on the counter near his jacket, then took her by the shoulders gently, turning her towards her bedroom. "Let me do this. Please. Tell you what. You go shower and do whatever girly things you usually do to relax. I'll take KP duty out here. When you come back out, it'll be all done; complete with your daily Chinese food order, or whatever I can put together from what you've got in these bags."

"Rick."

"Kate, please?" Looking up into his concerned blue eyes, Beckett forgot all the arguments and reasons running through her head on why this was not a good idea, how much of an imposition it was... "I'll be out in a few minutes" she mumbled, as she moved to her room. She turned back to watch as Castle made his way to the refrigerator with her groceries. "Castle? Thanks."

30 minutes later, Kate emerged from her room, dressed in her favorite flannel pants and a long sleeved tee-shirt, her hair wrapped turban style. Looking around at the impeccably cleaned great room, she couldn't resist calling out, "Castle, you missed your calling... you'd make a great Mr. Belvedere."

Looking around for him, she found him kneeling near the living room wall, dropping a shard of glass into the trashcan he had next to him, as he finished wiping the last of the dried dark red stains from the light wood floor. Standing up, he picked up the can and walked over to the kitchen, placing it in its original spot and rinsing the cloth in the sink. Beckett wrapped her arms around her waist protectively and waited as he turned from her, washing and drying his hands carefully, before turning and moving towards her scanning her body deliberately, taking inventory.

"Where?"

"Castle, it's ok".

"I need to see for myself."

"Castle."

"I found blood while I was cleaning up... a lot of blood. Did you have it checked... did you need stitches?"

"I'm fine, Castle."

He shook his head, not accepting her answer.

She sighed then pulled her sleeve up to show the current state of her badly scraped arm. "There was only one spot that was a bit deep…the rest was just scraped a bit. It's fine, really", she mumbled, embarrassed as he carefully approached her, his concentration focused on her injury.

"Let me be the judge of that." He led her to a seat by the kitchen island where he had laid out items from her first aid kit. Bandages, peroxide, neosporin and gauze were neatly lined up. He tucked her hand under his arm as he reached for a gauze pad and the peroxide. Beckett watched as he gently examined and then dabbed at the cuts, then seemingly satisfied that there was no infection to worry over, he moved closer to her, reaching behind her for the ointment.

Beckett looked up at him through her lashes. He was so close she could hear his quiet breathing; she felt the fabric of his shirt as he moved past her, smelled a mixture of his cologne and his essence as he smoothed the neosporin into the faint lines remaining on her arm, frowning and expending a bit more effort on the deepest cut, before reaching again for the bandages; pausing only to smile faintly at her. Hesitant and a bit nervous at their closeness, Beckett decided to inject some humor into the stillness.

"Do I call you Dr. Castle now?"

"I won't even charge you for the housecall," he smiled as he released her hand from where he had imprisoned it, watching as she drew her sleeve down again.

"At least I didn't bleed all over your shoes." At his confused look, she continued, "One of the first things Josh joked about when I was out of surgery... must have been the next day?" She thought a moment, then slightly shook her head, "apparently I ruined his new set of surgical shoes when he reinflated my lung." She shook her head in disbelief at the memory. "I think he was miffed that I bled out over his new Nikes."

Castle didn't know what to reply to that. Kate watched as his jaw clenched and he pressed his lips together tightly, surprised at his great restraint from commenting. "Rick, it's ok. After that and what Dad told me he did when I was in surgery... well, let's just say it wasn't difficult to realize he was not my 'one and done'."

Castle looked as if he would make a comment at that, then pressed his lips together again firmly, apparently thinking better of the effort, dismissing Josh from his mind and Kate's life. He sat across from her on the other kitchen stool and gently lifted her chin up to look at him.

"You ok? Want to talk about this?" He swung his free arm gently around, motioning to the newly cleaned area.

He felt her shake her head, then heard her sigh. "Not really, but I guess we have to?"

"You can't go on like this Kate. You need to talk to someone and I'm here... you can't continue to try and do this alone." He took a deep breath and continued, "You shouldn't have been alone. I should have checked on you last night. I had no idea you were suffering this much." He released his grip on her jaw and cupped her face in his hand. "I'm sorry."

"Castle, you've nothing to be sorry about." She grimaced, placed her hand over the one holding her. She moved slightly to look directly into his eyes. "I lost control, it was awful, but I'm okay now."

"We left you alone, Kate... after everything you've been through; knowing how hard you were taking the case, seeing what it was doing to you... not one of us had the common sense or compassion to come check on you; to make sure you weren't alone, fighting your demons in the dark; alone." He stood up, pacing back and forth in front of the island as he shakily ran his hands through his hair.

"Kate, you've been through so much in the last 10 months. Lord, we've been frozen, we had the dirty bomb, Lockwood, the sniper today," he hesitated briefly before grimly continuing, "Montgomery... the sniper in May... you've lost two mentors – one who was nearly a second father to you; you've been betrayed in the worst ways possible by both... we've been shot at, watched our friends be tortured, a man die in front of us," referring to Ragland.

"Castle, I'm fine." Kate wrapped her arms around herself, hugging herself protectively as she slowly paced her way to the living room window, looking out at it to avoid Castle's intense gaze.

"Kate, no one would be fine with what you've endured this past year... _No One_." He moved slowly, but deliberately towards her, as she forced herself to turn from the window towards him, forced herself to meet his gaze, not wanting to show the effect his words were having on her.

"Do you ever cry, Kate? Not the stoically pressed lips, with a single tear tracing ever so gracefully down that incredible face of yours, but a full out, nose dripping, snuffling, headache inducing, emotion purging bawling? Do you ever let that iron-willed self-control of yours falter just a little, mourn for what you've lost?" Watching her flinch slightly at his words, he moved in front of her, gently grasping her shoulders as he met her eyes. "I see the pain there in those amazing eyes of yours; I've watched you overcome the physical limitations; I've seen you healing from the physical scar; when will it be time to start healing from the emotional and psychological ones?"

Kate's voice sounded rough, even to her own ears, "Castle... Rick..." her voice continued to waver as it quieted nearly to silence, "if I stop to think about it; if I start crying...bawling..." her voice was barely a whisper, "I don't think I could stop."

"You're killing yourself, Kate." He moved to stand directly in front of her; then carefully encircled her in his arms. "I cried; I cried when I saw the blood on your gloves and realized I was too late; I cried when you flatlined in the ambulance and Lanie was crying out for you not to leave us as she pounded on your chest... I cried when I got back home that night and took off my suit soaked with your blood, when I washed my hands and watched the pink tinged water circling the drain... when I knew you lived; when I lost you for... I thought forever, last summer." He pulled her closer to him, began rubbing her back in small circles as his voice quieted until it too became a whisper. "Trust me, please... let it out."

Kate cringed at the pain she heard in his voice, at the pain she had caused him when she escaped from him over the summer. "I do trust you... more than anyone, but it's not that easy..."

"Heroes cry, Kate, even superheroes like you" -he hugged her to him tightly as he felt her body begin to quake with the effort she was making to hold back-"even angels cry sometimes... come on Angel," he kissed the top of her head, as he felt her tears begin to soak the linen of his shirt, "that's it", as she gave in and cried; for her mother, for Royce, for Montgomery... for herself. Her whole body shook as she let it all out. "Oh baby," he hummed softly "let it out... that's it. It's ok, it's going to be ok now."


	2. Chapter 2

Scars – Chapter 2

Minutes or possibly hours later, Beckett's sleepy voice disturbed the calm stillness that had settled over the apartment. "Castle?... What are you doing?"

"Shhhhh, don't move... I'm almost finished". Castle had been gently stroking through Beckett's tangled curls as she slept, finger combing and smoothing the snarls out as he plaited the silky locks into a simple french braid.

"You're braiding my hair?" A small incredulous laugh escaped as she pressed her face into Castle's chest. "You charm your way into my apartment, play Merry Maid and clean up the total destruction of my living room, carry me gently through my latest implosion and you're now lying here, on my bed, with me splayed across you, braiding my hair as if we were having a sleepover. Can this evening get any more strange?"

Castle grinned at the inanity of the situation. "Well, your hair is much easier than Alexis' was when she was little, even if I am doing it backwards and upside down. I don't even need a hairband to tie it up with – your curls keep the braid in place. Do you know how fast straight hair slips out and how many times I had to redo her hair to get it right?" He chuckled, "It took me years to perfect my technique."

He drew a hand gently over the top of her head, down the finished braid, leaning in and gently kissing the top of her head. "As for the hysterical implosion? I'm your partner–it's what we do," he said simply. "Also, your couch wasn't very comfy... it was easy enough for me to carry you in here to this insanely comfortable bed... and... you can splay across me anytime...any place." He waited a few moments to give Kate a chance to comment before he spoke again.

"I never realized just how curly your hair is... I mean, I've noticed you haven't been wearing it down as much but it never seemed to be this... puffy," he grinned, as he ran a gentle hand down her head, settling it on her neck.

Kate grimaced as she attempted to raise up a bit to meet Castle's eyes. "I've definitely had hair issues these past few months."

"I didn't mean that..."

"I know", she cut him off, raising a hand to press gently against his mouth. "I usually use my airbrush to straighten it a bit but it's been a bit more difficult raising my arm some mornings; because of the scar pulling, so I end up sticking it in a bun... a bit messy of a bun, but it works," she finished somewhat sheepishly.

Castle, feeling the tightness in her neck, began massaging it slowly, "How long does your doctor feel it's going to take until it stops pulling?"

Kate readjusted herself again, lifting up slightly and pulling herself up from Castle's chest to rest her head on his shoulder blade, her hand moving from its place around his waist to just above his chest, unknowingly stroking unseen patterns across the softness of his shirt. Moments passed before she answered. Castle almost thought he was dreaming when Kate's quiet voice disturbed the calm stillness that had settled again over the apartment. She lifted her head and stared directly into his eyes. "The pulling will eventually fade, once my ribs heal completely. But... it's not just one scar, Castle... and they're always going to be there." She laughed quietly, bitterly. "I think my days of spaghetti straps and backless gowns are passed. There's no hiding them." She waited, watching him silently for any reaction.

Castle met her gaze with an intense stare of his own, that cut through the dark stillness of her bedroom. "But you try..." At her quizzical look, he continued, "You dress differently now; more 'bundled up,' turtlenecks, scarves, heavy coats... as if that would make a difference." He shifted slightly as he looked down into her sad eyes, still holding her closely to him. "I pressed my fingers into your chest, trying to stop the blood pouring out of you...I watched you die in that ambulance Kate... and you arrested again on the operating table as I sat in the waiting room. Do you really think seeing it repaired would be as devastating to me as the open wound I attempted to hold closed to keep you from bleeding out?"

He rubbed his eyes tiredly, trying to dismiss the images from his mind. "Nothing could be worse than that. That I..." he drew himself back, couching his words carefully, "or anyone else who cared about you, would be so shallow as to let a damned scar effect the way I", he hesitated over his next words, then pushed on, "they...care about you?"

She raised her head again from where it had settled on his chest to stare at him. He could see the wheels turning in her head as she replied carefully. "It's not that Castle, it's just..." She took a deep breath and then gently pulled his arm away from where it had been resting on her waist and grasped his fingers, pulling them to the edge of the tee shirt covering her. Slowly, watching him, she edged their joined hands under the garment, guiding them to the center of her chest. His hand trailed the path she led, feeling the soft satin of her skin as it grazed upward til she settled it upon the smooth, thick ridges of the entry wound scar, trimmed and knit back together but still surprisingly apparent. The only reaction she could see was the grim set of his jaw, a muscle twitching as his thumb slowly circled it, sizing it and smoothing it gently.

She gave him a brief moment, surprisingly calm as she adjusted to the feel of his hand on her chest, then drew their joined hands towards the left of her side, landing upon a healed incision of an inch or more. "That of course was Ground Zero. This...my lung collapsed... Josh put in a chest tube here... against the rules and probably with a bit of overkill. Apparently there was no time for finesse." Castle grimaced visibly as he drew his finger gently along the smooth, raised line, remembering when he and Lanie had first arrived at the hospital with her; flat-lined and kept alive only through Lanie's relentless pumping of her chest. Beckett let out a shaky laugh, "this is where Josh told me I ruined his new shoes... my blood was pouring out a bit too fast for them to contain it."

Castle visibly stilled as he took in her words, then squeezed her hand firmly before releasing it and grasping her along her side gently, as he lifted her shirt up slowly, watching for a reaction and waiting for her to stop him. Leaning down across her, he pressed his lips gently along the scar, kissing it softly as his fingers reached up to stroke her back... and he felt it.

Lifting his head, his eyes met hers through the darkness, moisture pooling in them as his fingers slowly traced the trail of the long scar reaching up above her shoulder blade, nearly in the center of her back, down across her side to under her breast, ending just before her bullet scar. Kate continued speaking, softly, ignoring the butterflies generated in her stomach from his kiss. "The pulling is from my ribs knitting back together. Lanie's mad skills at cpr broke a few of them and they had to use a rib spreader on the others to open my chest, to repair the damage." She reached up to wipe the wetness from his eyes, then covered his large hand with her small one, smiling bravely as she tried to lighten the intense atmosphere. "Sort of kills bikini season for me, don'tcha think?"

She shifted again, back down to lay against his chest so she wouldn't have to meet the tender look in his eyes, hurriedly continuing with her story, "I know you're still mad at me for ignoring you all those weeks, but you were lucky. The doctors overdid it a bit with the 'shiny pills'... I was feeling no pain when I saw you that day and sent you away, but I paid for it later... glory, the next few weeks were hell... I don't know how my dad put up with me."

She swallowed and made herself ready to say what he had been needing to hear. "I'm sorry I closed you out. It wasn't fair. I wasn't fair. To you."

She twisted slightly leaning up so that they faced each other, "Everything that happened with Montgomery at the hanger, Lockwood, my shooting... it affected you too. I never thanked you, Rick. You came when Montgomery called." She grimaced as she recalled that tense night. "You saved me when I couldn't save myself. When I wouldn't save myself. _You _saved me; even though you weren't at my side… you were still there for me."


	3. Chapter 3

_Thanks for all of the lovely reviews and alerts - I hope I'm keeping fairly within canon on this - special thanks to tiff098765 for her editing and support in getting me writing again. btw - disclaimer - nope - not my characters - just my "missing piece" :-)_

**Chapter 3**

Castle stiffened at her words, painful memories of the last few months swirling through his mind. He tried to rein in his thoughts as his fingers reached the few wayward strands of Kate's hair that had escaped his handiwork. Tucking them gently away from her face, he choose his next words carefully, distracting himself for a moment by allowing himself to examine her private haven, noting the comfortable looking white couch, strewn with colorful pillows and bright afghan, eying the artwork and photos gracing the walls of the warmly enticing room. He turned after letting his gaze study and memorize the intricacies of the Beckett inner sanctum, looking down at her now wary expression.

"There's no need to thank me, Kate."

"Castle... Rick..."

"Kate," it was his turn to place a finger gently against her lips, as he struggled to voice his thoughts. Kate watched, as his mind swirled with what his next words should be, the past rushing at him like a bad artsy "b" movie.

The last time he had been here in her home before Montgomery's shooting had been filled with accusations and angry words, painful things that they both shouldn't have had the temerity to voice. Then before they could resolve the painful episode, Montgomery had called him; his request for a meet at the hanger brooking no refusal. Castle didn't even understand the reason or the scope of the betrayal he was witness to, until he listened in shock to the confrontation between mentor and pupil. Then Lockwood and his goons showed up, and the rest, they say, was history. He had no time to think of an alternative, nor to consider letting Kate risk her life to save his friend. Castle realized in the moments it took to bear hug Kate and drag her out of the hanger to the relative safety of his car, that there was no other choice, that even if it meant the certain death of his friend, risking Kate was not an option. It would never be an option for him, no matter what the cost, or the feelings of guilt and cowardice on his part that choice engendered.

He mentally shook himself free of the memories and deliberately forced a change in subject. "It's been a long night... you haven't even eaten yet. Ready for dinner?"

Kate searched his face, concern for him furrowing her forehead. She had watched him visibly stiffen, felt his walls go up, as certainly as hers had significantly fallen through the events of the past few hours. Confused at the change in his demeanor, she followed his lead, wanting to lighten up the oppressive feeling that had begun to creep in on them. "Uhm... sure... I think we can put together some sandwiches and soup?" She carefully untangled herself from him and rose slowly from the bed. "Coming?"

Insisting that she sit and relax, Castle prepared their meal in relative silence. Kate watched him move from fridge to cupboard to stove, easily finding the tools and ingredients he needed as if her kitchen were his piéd a terre. The quiet harmony continued through consumption of their delicious meal until Beckett felt it necessary to continue their earlier conversation. "A penny for them?"

"Don't think they're worth that much. Want a refill on that soup?" Castle neatly deflected her question, moving towards the pot of soup on the stove.

Exasperated, Beckett tried to move the conversation forward. "Turnabout is fair play, Castle... let it out."

"There's nothing to let out... at least not tonight"

"You wouldn't let me get away with that"

"I've let you get away with a lot – give me this one, ok?"

"That's a loaded comment." "You're talking about this summer, aren't you? You're still angry."

"Let it go, Kate"

"You have as many as I do, don't you? Maybe more."

At his quizzical stare, she forged ahead. "Scars, Castle. Maybe not the physical kind, but you have just as many emotional ones as I do... you just haven't let anyone see them, have you?"

"Kate."

"What have I done to you? What has this..." she motioned around her "arrogance and self-centeredness of mine done to you?"

Castle pushed back from the counter, picked up his bowl and ran it briefly under the water, before he placed it in the sink. He then dried his hands and forcibly tossed the towel down before he turned back towards his waiting partner, his tone and demeanor tense and angry.

"I wish you would be self-centered, Beckett, it would have solved a lot of problems." He made his way slowly to the large living room window, moving aside the drape to gaze sightlessly out at the street below. "You would have moved on past your mother's death, sad, but eventually you would have accepted it; continued with your brilliant education," he glanced back at her vocal dissent, "don't try and tell me your full ride to Stanford was a perk of your wealthy parentage," he stated bitterly, before continuing. "You would have pushed your dad into a cushy rehab center, finished your double major, graduated with honors, never having to deal with the dregs of society you trap with such unerring accuracy, never finding justice for the victims, all the while being denied it for yourself. I would never have met you of course; never shadowed you, never dug up your mother's case or caused you so much pain."

"Castle"

Ignoring the plea in her voice, he turned back towards the couch where she now sat quietly; watching her as she twisted her fingers in her lap and listened uncomfortably to his words. "I wouldn't have had to hear you beg for your life today, trying to find a way to save Travis' life, knowing that it would cost you your own, if Esposito hadn't had "the solution", he emphasized by making exaggerated quote marks with his large fingers.

"You heard that?"

"Beckett, you were on com; we all heard it; Gates, I and half the station were circled around Ryan and his desk, listening as your team swept the building, as you gave the orders... as you found him and he took you out. We heard it all." He ran his hand over his face, then wrapped his arms around himself tightly, as he recalled those tense moments, not realizing that he spoke aloud.

_**"I know what it feels like to be in those cross-hairs. To feel the bullet burn through my chest. I know what it feels like to have my life leave my body..." **_

"Oh God, Castle," Kate looked up at him; shocked, as he repeated verbatim her words to Travis.

"It was crazy, Kate" Castle settled next to her, lost in his memories. "Ryan had been going ballistic; he couldn't reach the bus driver or warn him off... then we heard your voice over the com channel, ordering the teams to the different buildings, heading up to the floor... the scuffle when he surprised you." Castle shuddered as the memories overwhelmed him. "Gates came up to Ryan's desk and the entire department started circling... and all I wanted to do was run – to get there as fast as I could and... I don't know..."

"Jump in front of another bullet for me?" Kate murmured, covering his clenched fist as it rested on his thigh with her much smaller hand.

"If that's what it took, yeah... but I couldn't reach you... there was no time. All we could do was listen as you tried to get through to him. The other teams were in chaos... we could hear everyone rushing to your location but it was obvious they weren't going to get there in time. Then Espo comes on the com and said he had the "solution"."

Castle stood up suddenly and moved away from her, unable to look her in the eye. "If there's judgment in the next life, I'll have to answer for this, but I've never been so happy or relieved that Espo was able to take that maniac out. I don't know what kind of person that makes me. What does that mean? To be joyful because someone died today and it wasn't you?"

"That you love me" Kate thought to herself sadly, as she watched Castle stand and run nervous hands through his hair. The changes between the jovial playboy who first shadowed her and the troubled man standing before her were sharply apparent. She knew for certain now that his words at the cemetery weren't off the cuff because he thought she were dying, or taken back because of his anger over her disappearance this summer. Richard Castle still loved her, even with the damned wall that still prevented her from declaring her feelings to him.

Kate made her way carefully to him, wrapping her arms around him slowly. "You're a good man, Richard Castle... today hasn't changed that. You saved those kids today. You discovered the paper doll clues. Travis was damaged beyond repair. No one could save him from himself. He chose his consequence today."

"You didn't." He whispered sadly.

"What?"

"You didn't choose your consequences... everything that happened last year. You didn't choose to reopen your mom's case... you didn't choose or determine Coonan's or Lockwood's actions... I took that out of your hands, playing hero with it as if it were some sort of 100 clue puzzle I could easily solve. I was the one who put you in the cross hairs last summer. Your reactions today. I caused all of this."

He moved them both back to the couch, sitting them down carefully and gently took her hand within his two large ones, the look in his eye tender and gentle, "I am probably the reason you've been blocking it all out." Seeing Kate's confused look, he explained, "Esposito warned me that you had compartmentalized it all; that bits and pieces would come to the surface when you were ready to handle them."

"I understand how you couldn't remember this summer... how I jumped you...tried to... Kate, if you were as self-centered as you believe, you wouldn't have brought all of that pain back up, relived it as you tried to show Travis another way... as you tried to save him. You wouldn't have let me back in... after Coonan... Lockwood...Roy... after I nearly destroyed you with my "quest."


End file.
